Post by BoandNora-SexyLove4Ever on Nov 10, 2010 2:11:26 GMT -5
The Only Thing Left- Part 17
How many times had he told himself to think before he spoke? How many times had he listened to that inner voice that told him… stop, back up, don’t say it? Now he was staring into the most beautiful pair of brown eyes he had ever seen and for the first time in all the years he had known her he couldn’t tell whether those tears were a good thing or a bad thing.
Bo: Nora, please don’t give me the silent treatment. When you look at me like that and you stand there with that… dam it Nora, stop being so calm. You are scaring the hell out of me.
She hadn’t said anything then. She had simply walked out onto the balcony and stared out into the night. When he followed her, she faced him.
Nora: I used to dream about the day when you would come to me with these words. Ten years ago they would have mattered.
Bo: Are you saying they don’t anymore?
Nora: What I’m saying is that I don’t believe them. There’s been so much water under the bridge, so much pain and so many bad decisions. But you had ten years Bo. And during those ten years, I stopped waiting for you to come back. I’m not the same woman you left.
Bo: Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think I don’t know that the walls you have built around your heart are MY fault? If I had loved you better… if I hadn’t let you walk out the door without fighting for you… If I had made better choices…we wouldn’t be standing here would we?
Nora: I can’t answer that Bo. I can’t answer that because I don’t know. What I do know is that you turned my heart cold because you broke every promise you ever made to me. What I learned to count on from you is that I can’t count on you at all. I expect lies and disappointment because that’s all you ever gave me. I wish that I didn’t still doubt your sincerity but I do. Every time you tell me you love me, I wonder how many women you’re using the same lines on. And when we make love, I can’t help but wonder if it’s the same bed you slept with her or any of the millions of other women that you wanted instead of me. I can’t trust you Bo… I can’t trust you because I’m not sure I can forgive you. I want to forgive you… I need to forgive you… but it’s not the same thing as actually doing it. Right now when I look at you I see the man that didn’t want me… that could forgive my worst enemy for countless crimes but never me… NEVER ME BO… NEVER ME… It was ALWAYS someone else that you wanted… that you trusted… that you forgave… I wasn’t good enough for that honor…
Bo: Nora, that is so far from the truth. You’re the best woman I know.
Nora: But you still rejected me so much that you broke me. And when I look at you now, I still see the man that broke my heart… that made me feel like nothing I ever did would ever be good enough… and that’s what this comes down to Bo. I wasn’t ever enough for you.
Bo: Nora, how could you even think that?
Nora: Because it’s true. If I was enough for you, you would have fought harder for us. If I was enough for you, you would have come back for me after Drew died. If I was enough then you wouldn’t have always wanted someone better then me. What the hell did I do that was so wrong Bo? Why couldn’t you ever choose me?
Bo: I don’t even know what to say to that.
Nora: That’s probably because there are no words that can make this ok. Maybe we should just admit that…
Bo: Don’t. Don’t you dare say it. Don’t even think it. I know you don’t believe it… I know you don’t trust it… but you and I… we DO belong together.
Nora: Then why the hell did it take our son getting hurt for you to realize that you wanted me. I mean dam it Bo… would you have even said anything if he was fine?
Bo: That’s not a fair question Nora. We’ll never know.
Nora: I think I got my answer. And I don’t want you if you’re only here because HE’S not… or because you can’t find a better offer.
Bo: Nora, that’s not what this is about. There’s no one on this earth that means more to me then you. I’m not just using you until someone else comes along. I love you.
Nora: Those are just words Bo… it’s so easy for you to say them in hindsight… but would you still be saying them if our son was still here?
Bo: You are making an awful lot of assumptions here Red. I can’t answer that because we don’t know. We can’t go back in time and change things. Why can’t we just take a chance on whatever it is that we still have? Why does it have to be all or nothing?
Nora: Because I need to know that you are not going to throw me over for someone else just like Lindsay. You let HER get between us… how do I know you won’t let someone else… that you won’t once again put me last in line?
Bo: I wish I could convince you to trust me but I’ve got nothing because everything you are saying is right. Nora I can’t give you guarantees and I sure as hell can’t give you reasons because if I were you, I probably wouldn’t trust me either. The only thing I can offer you is love. That’s the truth. I don’t know how to convince you that you have my heart when I’ve spent the last ten years trying to do just the opposite. But Nora…Baby please just give me a chance to prove to you that I deserve another chance. You wanted me to say goodbye to Lindsay and I have. I promise you that you won’t ever have to worry about her again. We can take this as slow as you want. We don’t even have to get married again if you don’t want. Just please… don’t close the door on us. I know that I don’t deserve you but I don’t even know how to breathe without you. Please just give me a chance to make things right with you…
Nora: I don’t know how to do this Bo. I don’t know how to take chances anymore. You… you hurt me so much. What If I can’t give you what you want anymore? What if the part of me that trusted you is gone forever? I can’t be with a man I can’t trust and I can’t trust a man that I’m not entirely sure is sincere. I… I’m sorry Bo but I need time. I love you but I’m not sure if it’s enough. Trust has to be EARNED.
He cursed himself under his breath when he watched her slam the door in his face. He was starting to see how she must have felt every time HE did it over the years.
Bo: Dam it Nora. Why is it so hard for us to communicate all of a sudden? We never had that problem before. What’s it going to take for you to see how much I love you? How can I convince you to trust me when I can’t find one good reason why you should?
TBC
How many times had he told himself to think before he spoke? How many times had he listened to that inner voice that told him… stop, back up, don’t say it? Now he was staring into the most beautiful pair of brown eyes he had ever seen and for the first time in all the years he had known her he couldn’t tell whether those tears were a good thing or a bad thing.
Bo: Nora, please don’t give me the silent treatment. When you look at me like that and you stand there with that… dam it Nora, stop being so calm. You are scaring the hell out of me.
She hadn’t said anything then. She had simply walked out onto the balcony and stared out into the night. When he followed her, she faced him.
Nora: I used to dream about the day when you would come to me with these words. Ten years ago they would have mattered.
Bo: Are you saying they don’t anymore?
Nora: What I’m saying is that I don’t believe them. There’s been so much water under the bridge, so much pain and so many bad decisions. But you had ten years Bo. And during those ten years, I stopped waiting for you to come back. I’m not the same woman you left.
Bo: Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think I don’t know that the walls you have built around your heart are MY fault? If I had loved you better… if I hadn’t let you walk out the door without fighting for you… If I had made better choices…we wouldn’t be standing here would we?
Nora: I can’t answer that Bo. I can’t answer that because I don’t know. What I do know is that you turned my heart cold because you broke every promise you ever made to me. What I learned to count on from you is that I can’t count on you at all. I expect lies and disappointment because that’s all you ever gave me. I wish that I didn’t still doubt your sincerity but I do. Every time you tell me you love me, I wonder how many women you’re using the same lines on. And when we make love, I can’t help but wonder if it’s the same bed you slept with her or any of the millions of other women that you wanted instead of me. I can’t trust you Bo… I can’t trust you because I’m not sure I can forgive you. I want to forgive you… I need to forgive you… but it’s not the same thing as actually doing it. Right now when I look at you I see the man that didn’t want me… that could forgive my worst enemy for countless crimes but never me… NEVER ME BO… NEVER ME… It was ALWAYS someone else that you wanted… that you trusted… that you forgave… I wasn’t good enough for that honor…
Bo: Nora, that is so far from the truth. You’re the best woman I know.
Nora: But you still rejected me so much that you broke me. And when I look at you now, I still see the man that broke my heart… that made me feel like nothing I ever did would ever be good enough… and that’s what this comes down to Bo. I wasn’t ever enough for you.
Bo: Nora, how could you even think that?
Nora: Because it’s true. If I was enough for you, you would have fought harder for us. If I was enough for you, you would have come back for me after Drew died. If I was enough then you wouldn’t have always wanted someone better then me. What the hell did I do that was so wrong Bo? Why couldn’t you ever choose me?
Bo: I don’t even know what to say to that.
Nora: That’s probably because there are no words that can make this ok. Maybe we should just admit that…
Bo: Don’t. Don’t you dare say it. Don’t even think it. I know you don’t believe it… I know you don’t trust it… but you and I… we DO belong together.
Nora: Then why the hell did it take our son getting hurt for you to realize that you wanted me. I mean dam it Bo… would you have even said anything if he was fine?
Bo: That’s not a fair question Nora. We’ll never know.
Nora: I think I got my answer. And I don’t want you if you’re only here because HE’S not… or because you can’t find a better offer.
Bo: Nora, that’s not what this is about. There’s no one on this earth that means more to me then you. I’m not just using you until someone else comes along. I love you.
Nora: Those are just words Bo… it’s so easy for you to say them in hindsight… but would you still be saying them if our son was still here?
Bo: You are making an awful lot of assumptions here Red. I can’t answer that because we don’t know. We can’t go back in time and change things. Why can’t we just take a chance on whatever it is that we still have? Why does it have to be all or nothing?
Nora: Because I need to know that you are not going to throw me over for someone else just like Lindsay. You let HER get between us… how do I know you won’t let someone else… that you won’t once again put me last in line?
Bo: I wish I could convince you to trust me but I’ve got nothing because everything you are saying is right. Nora I can’t give you guarantees and I sure as hell can’t give you reasons because if I were you, I probably wouldn’t trust me either. The only thing I can offer you is love. That’s the truth. I don’t know how to convince you that you have my heart when I’ve spent the last ten years trying to do just the opposite. But Nora…Baby please just give me a chance to prove to you that I deserve another chance. You wanted me to say goodbye to Lindsay and I have. I promise you that you won’t ever have to worry about her again. We can take this as slow as you want. We don’t even have to get married again if you don’t want. Just please… don’t close the door on us. I know that I don’t deserve you but I don’t even know how to breathe without you. Please just give me a chance to make things right with you…
Nora: I don’t know how to do this Bo. I don’t know how to take chances anymore. You… you hurt me so much. What If I can’t give you what you want anymore? What if the part of me that trusted you is gone forever? I can’t be with a man I can’t trust and I can’t trust a man that I’m not entirely sure is sincere. I… I’m sorry Bo but I need time. I love you but I’m not sure if it’s enough. Trust has to be EARNED.
He cursed himself under his breath when he watched her slam the door in his face. He was starting to see how she must have felt every time HE did it over the years.
Bo: Dam it Nora. Why is it so hard for us to communicate all of a sudden? We never had that problem before. What’s it going to take for you to see how much I love you? How can I convince you to trust me when I can’t find one good reason why you should?
TBC
