AMC| Poison & Wine | David/Erica/Jack| Chapter 13 & 14

[keagan]

omg heavy stuff

[Bella Principessa]

A/N: Erica is going to have to spiral a bit more before I can begin her true redemption. It's coming. But it's a long road back from where she's at back into the light. I know her ambivalence to the baby is hard to read, but she can't feel love for anyone at the moment, and the baby is caught in the cross fire.
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Chapter 9

Jackson had invited himself and the kids over for a family dinner.

Pizza. Soda. Popcorn. Movies. The typical happy family Friday night fodder.

They were laughing, talking, pretending that life was happy and moving on, like there was some kind of light in their lives.

They were talking baby names. What name was best suited to go with Montgomery, Lily had mused? Her mind running through all the possible combinations of how best to name a child.

Reggie was less serious, suggesting names like Regina and Jackson Junior.

“What about Leo for a boy?” Bianca suggested, looking across the couch at her mother. She would say it was a tribute to the young man they’d both loved and lost, and no one would question her.

Erica nodded deftly. If it was a boy they could call him whatever they wanted. If it was a girl, they could call her whatever they wanted. She had no opinion on anything to do with anything her life. How could she? They didn’t trust her judgement on any other aspect of her life, why would the let her have any say in naming her child?

“Leo Montgomery,” Lily said, testing the name.

“Why would we want something connected to Hayward?” Reggie wondered.

Because he might be the father? She could probably get them all to leave if she let the words leave her mouth. They would probably never come back. She could have a glass of Vodka in her hands in only a few minutes, if she said it.

The thought was more than tempting.

“It’s not about David, it’s about Leo,” Bianca interjected. “He was a big part of my life and lived with me and Mom.”

“If we wanted to do a name for someone we loved and lost, what about Travis?” Jack asked of them all, but it was Erica he directed the question to.

Did they not understand that she didn’t care?

“After Daddy,” Bianca smiled, “Travis Leo Montgomery. It sounds really nice.”

Everyone nodded, but Erica didn’t react. Instead she kept her attention straight in front of her, where it had always been. There was no emotion in her face. No joy in her eyes.

“What about for a girl?” Reggie wondered, “You’re already using Mona for Miranda’s middle name…”

Bianca’s eyes went wide and she was shaking her head in his direction. Trying to get him to stop. Trying to stop this from happening.

Erica jumped up, shaking her head as she paced the length of the couch.

“Mom,” Bianca started, but Jackson cut her off.

“Erica, sit down, let’s talk about this.”

“How dare you want to sully my mother’s name by attaching it to that bastard’s spawn,” Erica cried, eyes wide and blazing as they went between Bianca and Jack.

Bianca stood up, and moved toward Erica. “I want her to have a strong, powerful name. I want her to be Kane Women in all the best ways.”

“Your grandmother is turning in her grave,” She words were hard, pointed, filled with anger.

“Erica,” Jack started moving toward her, “Listen to what Bianca is telling you. I think it’s….”

“You think it’s beautiful. Touching. That Mona would hug Bianca and tell her what an honor it is that she’s naming her rapists baby after her,” Erica spit back, unwilling to hear another word of this. He obviously knew. He’d obviously helped keep another secret from her.

Jack saw Reggie taking an increasingly upset Lily from the room, and shook his head in Erica’s direction. “I know you’re surprised, and upset by this…”

“Upset?” Erica laughed, eyes dark and empty as she looked from Jack to Bianca. “I’m not upset. You can’t get upset when you’re dead inside. No. No. What I am is a naïve. Gullible.”

Bianca shook her head and blinked back tears. “You love Kendall. You’re able to see past who her father is. I want the same for Miranda. I want her to know that she’s loved. That she’s from a strong, brave, resilient line of women. That her father doesn’t decide her future.”

“You both stand there and pretend to be so noble, so honorable. So much better and holier than the rest of us. But your nothing more than liars.”

Jack stepped toward her, attempting to reach for her.

“Don’t you touch me,” She hissed. “You’ve spent the last month trying to win me back. Trying to get us back to where we were. Telling me you love me, you can’t live without me. That this baby is our gift from fate and a sign of us being meant to be, and all the while you were lying yet again.”

“No one lied to you, honey. We were just waiting for the right moment to tell you.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, challenging him to continue. Challenging him to dig in deeper, break what was left of her will to live. “Oh yes, that’s the excuse right? Waiting for the moment you think is best,” She was yelling now, her body trembling from the force of the words.

Bianca was watching her, taking in the way she stood and the way her body tensed. None of this was good for the baby. “Mom, stress isn’t good for the baby…”

Erica whipped around, eyes blazing. “That’s all the two of your care about, isn’t it? Babies. Innocent lives that have no responsibility for the actions of their parents. Don’t get stressed Erica, it’s not good for the baby. Don’t drink, Erica. It’s not good for the baby,” She told him, angry and bitterly. “What do I care about this baby? What am I supposed to do with him or her? How am I supposed to love him or her, when I can’t even feel love for either of you, the two most important people in my life?”

Bianca thumbed tears from her cheeks. “How can you say these things? How can you be so cold? I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“That makes two of us,” She bit back.

“Erica…” Jack tried to reason.

“Get out!” She demanded.

“Erica,” Jack started, but she shook her head and pointed to the door.

“Get out!”

Bianca turned her eyes to her Uncle, and nodded slowly, conceding defeat.

“We can’t leave you like this,” Jack tried to reason.

“I said get out!”

Jack sighed and offered her a nod. “We love you, sweetheart. Remember that.”

Bianca took a step toward her, and reached for hand. “She isn’t a monster, Mom,” She started, trying to lay Erica’s hand on her stomach. “She’s a Kane Woman. She is strong. She is stubborn. And she is going to be so beautiful. Don’t give up on her before you’ve even met her.”

Erica jerked her hand way, and shook her head. “I will never accept that you chose to bring that child into our lives.”

Bianca nodded, tears hot and wet on her cheeks. “Don’t say things you might regret.”

Jack had gone to the kitchen to get Lily and Reggie, and they were gathered near the front door waiting for Bianca.

“I don’t say things I don’t mean,” Erica challenged watching them all stand at her door. They were going to leave, and hopefully not return.

Jack kept his eyes on Erica, as he motioned the rest of the family out the door. “Will be here when you’re ready to come back to us, sweetheart.”

He pulled the door closed behind him.

She was already across the living room, removing her bottle of Vodka from its hiding place.

She didn’t get a glass this time, instead deciding that the bottle itself would make her pain disappear faster.

To be continued

[Bella Principessa]

Chapter 10

“Oh god, David. Thank you for coming.” He wasn’t even off the elevator yet, and Bianca was motioning for him to follow her. “She’s not making any sense…”

He nodded. “Slow down, Bianca. What happened?”

“She’s pacing the living room. Rambling about anything and everything. She’s not really making any sense. Coral found her like this, this morning and called me and Uncle Jack. Reggie and Kendall both stopped by before we could get here. I don’t think that helped things.”

“Has she been drinking?” He asked, hating himself for having to think the worst, but needing to know what exactly he was dealing with.

Bianca shrugged, unsure of anything other than Erica’s erratic behavior. “There’s a bottle of Vodka on the coffee table and it looks like she had a glass or two, but I think that was from last night. She won’t really let us get close enough to know the answer.”

“What happened last night to push her to this?” He wondered, noting the worry in Bianca’s eyes. This wasn’t just them finding Erica drunk or drinking, this was something far worse.

“She found that Miranda’s middle name is going to be Mona.”

“She didn’t take that well.”

“Threw us all out,” She confirmed. “I’m really worried about her, David. I’ve never seen her like this.”

“I need to examine her, so we have to find a way to calm her down, alright?”

“Alright,” She nodded, opening the penthouse door now.

Erica was still pacing the room, rambling to herself. She was still wearing the clothes from the previous night. Pizza boxes and soda cans were still on the coffee table, despite Coral’s best effort to clean up.

She didn’t acknowledge either of them.

“David, thank god you’re here,” Kendall started, “She’s not making any sense.”

“Does she know you’re here?” He wondered, eyes on Erica as he studied her. He was sure she was having a breakdown, and this was her struggling to pull herself through it.

Reggie shook his head. “She doesn’t answer us, but she won’t let us near her either. I don’t understand what’s happening.”

“She seems like she’s somewhere else entirely,” Jack told him, “Even I can’t get her to respond.”

David nodded and stepped forward. “Erica,” He breathed, his voice was low and soft, not wanting to startle her. They had to do this slowly, delicately, or they were going to push her further into her madness.

She stopped at her name, but didn’t acknowledge David’s presence.

“We’re a little worried about you,” He started, eyes fixed on her, waiting for any sign she was hearing him. Any sign she was able to follow along, “can you tell us what’s wrong so we can help you?”

She looked him at then, eyes cold and blank. “I’m fine,” She told him, through the most indulgent smile she could muster.

He raised an eyebrow at her and took a step closer. “I don’t think you are. I’d like to examine you, make sure your heart rate and your pulse are in the normal range.”

She was silent and still for a few seconds, before turning to face him. She stepped to him this time. “Of course you do, you’re doctor God. That’s what you do, swoop in and play hero to all the damsels in distress.”

He could hear the icy, venom in her words. She hated him. “I care about you, Erica and I want to make sure that you and the baby are okay.”

She thingyed her head at him, and flashed him a knowing smile. “The baby….” She pushed out on an angry breath, as she stepped away. She crossed the room and made her way closer to where her family stood. “My miracle. My gift from god. The balm to wounded soul,” She pushed the words out, her voice shaking with anger. “Well guess what, everyone? I don’t even want it!”

Jack shook his head. Bianca covered her mouth in shook. Kendall’s eyes fluttered closed. And Reggie watched with wide eyes.

“That’s right,” She hissed back that them, eyes sliding between them all, before landing on David. “I don’t want it!”

“Mom…” Kendall started, but Jack spoke first.

“Honey you need help, please listen to David.”

“Oh you want me to listen to David?” She laughed at that, eyes blazing into him. “You want him to help me? Want him to take care of me? Take care of this baby? This is all his fault anyway.”

Bianca shot David a worried glance. There was no telling what she was willing to lay bare, and it was in everyone’s best interest to stop her before she said something they would all regret.

“Erica,” David started, lowering his voice just enough that the other’s would struggle to hear him, “don’t say something you can’t take back.”

She nodded and stepped to him, leaning in close. “You mean don’t tell him you might be the father.”

Her tone was cold. Emotionless. She didn’t care if they heard. She didn’t care if it broke their hearts. She didn’t care about any of it.

“Stop it,” He warned, “You don’t need to do this.”

“What do you know? What the hell do any of you know?” She asked of them, “You just keep smiling. Acting like everything is okay. Like life is happy and wonderful. Why won’t any of you deal with it?”

“Like you are, Erica?” Kendall bit out, “By losing yourself in alcohol? You’re pregnant and you’re so unwilling to do deal with your issues that you would rather drink and put your child’s health at risk.”

“Kendall,” Jack warned, shaking his head at her. They couldn’t engage her. They couldn’t play into her hands.
Erica took a step toward Kendall, but didn’t speak. They all saw her wince before he could speak.

“Erica…” David was at her side instantly, Jack hurrying toward them.

She leaned forward and grasped her stomach.

David lead her to the couch, sitting her down quickly. “Are you having contractions?” He asked, hand on her wrist as he checked her pulse.

She shook her head. This child hated stress and always seem to know how to tell her when she’d taken it too far. When she was dancing on the edge with both of their health.

“Sweetheart, you can’t keep going like this,” Jack flanked her left side, his voice soft and soothing.

David listened to her heart. “Heart rate is high, but good. Pulse is elevated, though, it’s nothing to be concerned with. Are you sure that wasn’t a contraction?”

She nodded, but refused to look at him. At either them.

“When was the last time you slept? Ate?” David asked, watching Bianca, Kendall and Reggie talk amongst themselves. Her confession seemed to have been missed.

She shrugged, unwilling to let him be her savior yet again.

“Last night, I think,” Jack told him, “I don’t think she’s slept either.”

“We need to get her something to eat, and I’ve got a mild sedative in my bag.”

Jack nodded. “I’ll come get you when she’s ready for the sedative.” Jack stood and offered Erica his hand. She refused to acknowledge him or the help he was offering. “Come on, sweetheart, we need to get you calmed down. I’ll make us something to eat.”

She stood this time, still unwilling to acknowledge him. He led her away slowly, coaxingly.

“What were all of you doing here?” David wondered when Jack and Erica left the room.

“I was worried about her after last night,” Reggie shrugged, “What’s wrong with her?”

“She’s just walking a really tight rope right now,” David offered, “She’s been hurt by a lot of things and she’s not coping.”

“She needs to get over it,” Kendall added, less than amused with any of this. “They’re her issues, not ours.”

“We did this to her,” Bianca reminded her. “We lied. We deceived her. We set her up for this.”

“We were trying to protect her.”

“Everyone needs to go, okay?” David told him, “She needs to calm down. Jack needs to try to get her to eat and I’ll give her something to help her sleep.”

“Why waste your time?” Kendall asked, “She’s not going to wake up and be Erica again. She’s enjoying all the attention.”

“Kendall, please…” Bianca begged, blinking back tears.

“I don’t need this anyway.” She was gone before anyone could ask any more questions, slamming the door behind her.

“I better go check on Lily,” Reggie mused, unsure what his next move was. “You’ll make sure she’s okay?” He asked of Bianca.

“I won’t leave until she’s asleep,” She assured him, hugging him tight. “She’ll get through it, Reggie. We just have to keep loving her.”

He offered her and David a nod, and made his exit.

“What are we going to do, David?” Bianca asked when she was sure they were alone. “She’s not getting better.”

“Bianca she’s not drunk,” He started, “I think you’re right, she hasn’t had a drink since last night. That in itself is progress. This whole thing this morning, this is Erica fighting back, trying to find her way back to us.”

“A nervous breakdown is a good thing?” She wondered, not sure that she liked any of this.

“Anything that makes her put down the alcohol and start trying to deal with her demons is good. She’s got a long way back to us, Bianca, but she’s in there.”

She nodded. “She didn’t mean what she said, David, about the baby.”

“No she did mean it,” He admonished, “She means everything she says right now. She’s not thinking clearly. She’ll come around.”

“She’s lucky to have you,” She offered through the watery smile.

“She’s lucky to have you,” He replied, “She loves you. You’re her world. Don’t forget that.”

She would find her way out of the darkness. Out of her hell. It would be a long, painful road. Full of words and deeds she would regret. But she would come back to them. And all they could to help was wait.

Let her slay her demons on her own terms.

They would be here waiting.

To be continued

[farrah]

Great story...I read all your chapters. Very interesting.

[keagan]

sad stuff

[Bella Principessa]

Thanks for all the reviews. Much appreciated. 

A/N: Theme's of suicide and thoughts of it, in this one. So just keep that in mind before you read (This one isn't overly dramatic, but the next one will be).

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Chapter 11

Pine Valley was beautiful from up high. All it’s lights were on display, gleam and twinkling in the night sky.

She’d never been up here before. The roof of Pine Valley Hospital. It was surpassingly easy to get to. She’d take the elevator to the last for, and on her way down a corridor, she’d seen an exit for the roof. An unlocked door allowed her unrestricted access.

If she looked far enough, she could see Enchantment off in the distance. The Valley Inn was close enough that she could make out the windows to each room. And Memorial Park was to her left.

The ground was below her. Concrete and trash bins. Pine Valley Hospital was only seven stores, so it wasn’t overly high. Still though, if she jumped, she probably wouldn’t wake up.

It wasn’t an altogether terrible thought. It would save her from pain that was about to be unleashed on her soul.

Bianca was in labor.

She was bringing that monsters baby into the world, three floors below.

The entire town was coming and going, offering their support and spreading their joy.

She didn’t understand how they did it. How they all acted like this child was the second coming. Like its birth was somehow going to take away all the pain; make it all okay.

Jackson had insisted she come. Sit with the rest of the family. Act like she cared. Like she was soon to be a doting and loving grandmother, who couldn’t wait to hold the child. Plaster on smiles and greet the good folks of Pine Valley with phony pleasantries.

She had no intention of waiting. She wasn’t even going to look at it if she didn’t have to and she surely wasn’t going to hold it.

Bianca didn’t know what she was doing. Couldn’t understand what having the bastard’s child in the world meant. She had no idea what she was going to feel when she looked into that child’s eyes. The pain. The shame. The guilt. It was going to stare back at her with such force, it would take her breath away.

And she was going to hate the child.

Hate what it stood for. What it meant. What it’s every breath brought back to her mind.

It was never going to end. She was never going to stop seeing Michael Cambias. That child would always be there to remind her of the horror she had suffered.

Why didn’t Bianca listen? Why didn’t the town listen? Why did every one minimize her feelings and say that she was being dramatic?

None of them knew what Bianca was going to face. But she did.

And one day, when Bianca couldn’t stand the sight of her child she’d willingly brought into the world, she would be the first one there to help her ease themselves of the situation.

She was pacing the length of the roof, stopping every few minutes to peer over the edge. She let her toes hang off just slightly, keeping her heel firmly planted. If she just leaned forward slightly, she wouldn’t have to think about any of this any longer.

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“I’ve looked all over,” Ryan shook his head as he informed Jack, “I can’t find her.”

“No one saw her leave,” Jack reminded him. The hospital’s closed circuit cameras had confirmed it. “She has to be here.”

“Has anyone paged David?” Greenlee wondered, “Maybe she’s with him.”

Jack shook his head. “He just went in to see Bianca; said he hadn’t seen Erica since we first brought Bianca in.”

Kendall and Maggie were with Bianca, acting as her birthing coaches and were unware that Erica had fled, and they hoped that meant Bianca was unware as well. David had promised not to mention anything when he’d gone to check on Bianca.

“Where else could she be?” Ryan wondered, catching sight of Myrtle and Opal approaching them.

“We had every empty room searched and she isn’t in them,” Opal said, shaking her head. “I don’t understand where she could have gone.”

“I’m starting to worry,” Myrtle said through a shaky breath, “She hasn’t been herself for months and now this disappearing act. You don’t think…”

Tad came barreling down the hallway, “We found her," He huffed, trying to catch his breath long enough to form words. He’d run down three flights of stairs, unwilling to wait for an elevator. He didn’t think they had time to wait.

“Thank god,” Jack breathed, “Where is she?”

“On the roof,” Tad pushed out, chest still heaving. “Palmer is trying to talk to her, but she wasn’t responding to us, and she’s really close the edge…”

“What?” Ryan asked, eyes wide as Jack made his way to the elevator.

Tad shook his head. “Palmer is worried….”

“She’s not thinking about that!” Jack warned as he paced near the elevator doors.

“I think we need to get up there and figure out how to get her down,” Tad told them, pointedly. There needed to be some urgency to their movements, as Palmer hadn’t even been to get Erica’s attention. Jack and Ryan got onto the elevator seconds later. All he could do was hope that it was enough to talk some sense into her. “Mama, wait here, please,” Tad asked of her, “I’ll have Jack come get either of you if we needed. I think the less audience we have for this, the better.”

“Tad if she’s…” Myrtle started, but she choked on the words. The thought alone was almost too much to bare.

“I don’t know what’s she’s doing. Or what is going on in that gorgeous mind of hers, but Jack and Palmer can talk to her. I’m going to let Dad and the hospital know. If Hayward comes out, you might want to send him up. I think she’s going to need a doctor and he knows her case.”

They nodded, moving in to hold one another as Tad headed for the stairs.

They were supposed to be waiting for life to begin, yet here they were, having to pray that life wasn’t going to end on the same night.

To be continued

[Bella Principessa]

A/N: This isn't going to be the end of Erica's struggles, and she hasn't put down the booze just yet. THIS is where she reminds us she's in there and will find her way out. I think part of Erica's troubles during this storyline is that one one listened to her. Everyone told her it was okay, get over it, Bianca has. So I took the approach that maybe the way to get her out of the darkness, is to have someone start listening to her.

Hope I did it justice.
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Chapter 12

Palmer was standing near the entrance door, trying to talk Erica into coming over to speak with him.

“Palmer,” Jack breathed, “why aren’t you out there?”

He shook his head, his face etched with fear. “The further out I step, the closer to the edge she gets. Had her toes hanging off just a few seconds go.”

Ryan and Jack exchanged worried glances. “Has she said anything?”

“Just tells me not to come out, and that she’s fine, she’s just thinking.”

Jack nodded and Palmer stepped to his side, allowing Jack to pass. “Sweetheart,” He started, his voice low and soft. She was so close to the edge that the last thing they wanted to do was startle her. “Are you okay? What are you doing up here?” He stepped closer, watching her as he did so.

She had stopped pacing and had her back to him. She was standing just behind the ledge and seemed to content not to move or look at him. “I’m fine,” She breathed, her tone cold and distant. “I just need to think.”

“Of course,” Jack said, “I don’t think this is the best pace for that. Let’s come inside.” He was getting closer to her with each step, and was hoping to be at her side in only a few steps.

“Don’t come any closer,” She hissed, still refusing to look at him. She slid her feet closer to the edge, let her toes hang loosely over the edge.

“Erica,” Jack pushed out on a shaky breath. “We need to go back downstairs. Bianca needs us.”

“Move away from me,” She ordered. She wasn’t joking and they could all hear the conviction in her tone.

He nodded and took two steps back.

“Bianca is fine, Jack. She has Maggie and Kendall, and she’ll have that child soon enough.” They winced at the venom on her tongue. The hate that spewed from her words when she spoke of Bianca’s child.

“You’re her mother. Miranda’s grandmother,” He tried to reason with her.

“I swear Jackson if you don’t get off this roof right now…” She shouted, back still to him.

She was so close to the edge that if she leaned forward even slightly, she would fall over.

Jacks swallowed back a hard breath and did as she asked. “Honey, please! Just come inside. You’re scaring us.”

She nodded. “Amazing how much you care about me now. When there aren’t any lies left to protect me from.”

“Erica we love you,” Palmer added, “And we don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I’m fine, Palmer. Really.”

“Erica,” Ryan started, “We can talk about all of this downstairs. Just step back from the ledge.”

“Oh Ryan,” She smiled, “You’re such a good man. Always trying to save the Kane Women from ourselves. Too bad you aren’t part of the family. Maybe you would have told me the truth.”

Tad stepped off the elevator behind them. He told them quickly and quietly, not wanting Erica to hear, that the hospital was aware of what was happening and would allow them fifteen more minutes to reason with Erica before calling the police and fire departments.

“Sweetheart,” Jack blew out on a shaky breath, “please at least step back from the ledge. If you want to think, sit down. Just please stay away from the edge.”

“I like it on the edge,” She told them, her voice peaking with more life than they’d heard from her in months. “it makes me feel alive.”

“Jesus,” Ryan said, eyes on Jack and Palmer. “We have to get her inside.”

“I’m worried she’s going to jump if we try,” Jack’s voice cracked as he finally spoke the truth that they all feared.

They heard Tad talking behind them, filling someone in on what was happening. On why they were all standing just outside the door on the roof top.

“Hayward,” Ryan acknowledged as David stopped next to them. “Palmer and Jackson have both tried to get close to her, help her in. But she won’t let them more than a few feet from her.”

“Has she said anything?” He wondered, eyes focused on Erica.

Jack shook his head. “Nothing of substance. If we go out there, I’m worried she’s going to jump.”

David forced out a hard breath and nodded. “They don’t really teach you how to handle this in medß school,” He offered through a nervous smile. “But I’d like to try something. Will you let me?” He asked of Jack.

Jack hesitated momentarily, unsure what David could try that they hadn’t already. “Don’t bait her, David. Don’t try to fight her on this, she can’t take it.”

He nodded before stepping further on the roof. “Erica…”

“Ah, doctor God, I was wondering when you would ride in to play hero.”

“I’m not here to play hero, Erica. I’m only here to listen.”

“Listen,” She scoffed shaking her head, “Why do you care about me anyway? Why aren’t you downstairs ensuring that Bianca’s sainted child is born safely?”

“Doctor Clader and his team are with her, and everything is going great.”

She nodded. “Isn’t that wonderful?”

“It is wonderful, for Bianca,” He confirmed, “But not for you.”

She had stepped back from the ledge now, and was pacing the length of the roof again. ‘She doesn’t know what’s she’s doing, David. She doesn’t know the hell that child is going to put her through.”

He took a slow, hesitant step toward her. “It’s different for her, Erica. She doesn’t see Miranda as a violation of her body and soul. She sees her a gift for managing to survive. For holding on and not letting Michael Cambias beat her.”

“What is going to do when that baby comes out looking just like Michael?” She cried in his direction, though she still refused to face him.

“Maybe she won’t look at all like Michael. Maybe she’ll look like Bianca, or like you.” He paused at that, to gauge her reaction.

She stopped pacing and turned slowly. “That’s not possible. She will always see Michael.”

He could hear her voice starting to crack, her the tears she was struggle to keep at bay. And he took a step toward her. “You don’t see Richard Fields when you look at Kendall.”

“Not anymore,” She admitted, “but it took years for us to get here.”

“Bianca doesn’t need years; she’s already made peace with her demons. She’s already decided to love Miranda for Miranda. She is going to be okay, Erica. They both are.”

“How do you know that?” She begged of him, an errant tear escaping despite her best efforts.

He was only a few steps from her, but didn’t close the space between them. He wanted to give her time, let her come to him, let her end this. Let her start to make her own peace.

“Because Bianca is strong. And she’s so stubborn,” He heard her laugh a little at that and his heart beat loud in his chest. He hadn’t heard her laugh in months. “She’s your daughter, Erica, and you have raised her to be brave and fearless. To face her demons head on. She can get through this.”

She blew out a hard sigh and shook her head. “How am I?”

He almost let out a cry of joy. She was in there, she was fighting, and she was finding her way back to them. “You’re going to take it one day at a time and let your friends and family help you through it.”

“I don’t want any more lies,” She forced out through tear soaked words, “I can’t handle any more lies.”

“No more lies,” He nodded, and offered her a soft smile. “Let’s get out of here,” He said, holding out his hand to her.

Her eyes flashed with anger.

“You don’t have to wait downstairs,” He added quickly, fearing he was going to erase the little bit of progress she had made if he didn’t think fast. “I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. Except a bar.”

She laughed a little at that, and gave him a soft smile. “I haven’t had a drink in over a week.”

His smile widened at that, and he stepped toward her. Hand still extended to her. “That’s a good start.”

“I’m trying,” She acknowledged as she reached for his hand.

“I know,” He nodded, pulling her close. Needing to know that she was there, that this was over. That she wasn’t dancing on the edge any more. “I know.”

She kept her hand in his as they crossed the last half of the roof. Jack was waiting for her with open arms, and free flowing tears. Palmer, Tad and Ryan stepped away, allowing them space.

David watched from her left as she buried her head in Jack’s chest.

She still had long road ahead of her. He wasn’t foolish enough to believe that an alcoholic putting down the booze for a week or two meant they weren’t drinking anymore. She hadn’t made peace with Miranda or Bianca’s choice yet either. But it was her first step toward the light.

It was hope

And it was more than they’d had in weeks.

To be continued

[farrah]

Am I seeing some light at the end of the tunnel...I hope so. Great chapters!

[Caroline]

Even though it was angsty and sad I enjoyed it very much!

[soapaddict]

The idea of this story is so good!

Continue continue continue!

[Bella Principessa]

Thanks for all the reviews.  

A/N: Gotta get worse before it gets better. Also, you knew I'd go there with them at some point. LOL
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Chapter 13

Miranda Mona Montgomery was a beautiful child; who’s birth had already brought the people of Pine Valley more peace than they were used to.

Mother and daughter had come through the delivery perfectly and were happily greeting family and friends until visiting hours were over.

“Bianca is just fine,” David smiled, offering Erica a cup of tea he’d gone to get her from the hospital cafeteria. “And so is Miranda.”

He watched her shake her head and close her eyes at that.

“7 pounds 6 ounces and 21 inches,” He continued, sliding into a chair next to her.

They were one floor above Labor and Delivery, in the waiting room attached to the newborn nursery. He’d let her choose where they waited, and was only mildly surprised that this was where they ended up.

He’d checked her heart and pulse, questioned if she was in any pain or having any contractions, before leading her away. Jackson hadn’t been happy, but had been unwilling to leave Bianca, choosing to return to Labor and Delivery to wait for news. He didn’t blame the guy, he himself had wanted to be with Bianca, rather than having to get news from nurses.

But this was just as important. He didn’t know if they could talk her off a roof a second time.

“The nurse said she has full head of dark hair. Her eyes are blue now, but they are likely to turn brown. Like you and Bianca,” He added, testing her reaction. She hadn’t spoken anything other than affirmations that the was fine and didn’t need a full exam since he’d helped her off the roof.

She nodded at that, but kept her eyes closed. Her hands shook and her chest felt tight. That child was born. She was alive. And she would soon be laying in an obsolete just in front of them.

What had Bianca done?

“Erica?” He questioned, “Do you want to go see Bianca?” He knew the answer, but asked anyway. Needing any kind of reaction out of her.

“No,” She bit out, eyes popping open and landing firmly on him. “I do not want to see Bianca.”

“Alright,” He confirmed, “If we stay here much longer, they are going to be brining Miranda up here.”

Why had she chosen to come here in the first place? She thought she wanted to feel close to life. To all the good that was still trying exist around her. Try to feel something for her own child, who was happily kicking away inside of her. She hadn’t thought about Bianca’s child joining the other babies. “I don’t want to see the child, either.”

David nodded. “Where do you want me to take you?”

Why was he asking so much of her? Couldn’t he just let her go? Home. To a bar, anywhere. Anywhere that wasn't here. That wasn’t this hospital. Anywhere that was reminding her that Bianca had ruined all of their lives.

“I can take you home,” He offered, softly, watching her closely. She was trying. Wanting to process this. Wanting to make herself feel. Anything.

“I want a drink!” She told him through a shaky breath. “I want a Vodka on the rocks.”

He forced out a hard breath and nodded at her. “I never pegged you for a Vodka fan. I always thought you would drink something more sophisticated. Bourbon. Brandy. Scotch.”

“Vodka burns as it goes down. Hurts and pierces the throat,” She told him, her voice calm and distant. Her eyes were much the same.

“And you like the pain?”

“Pain is the only thing I can feel,” She told him dryly.

“And what about your baby?” He raised an eyebrow at her. On the roof she said that hadn’t had a drink in over a week. She was trying, and clearly not for herself. “What do you feel for your baby?”

She was silent for a few seconds, eyes drifting down to her stomach. She was a few weeks past half way into this pregnancy, and no matter what she did or how hard she tried, this child was determined to come into the world. “I don’t want to hurt it,” She offered softly, “I am trying not to drink for him or for her.”

“That’s all?” He wondered, watching her eyes return to meet his. There were tears there, ones she was biting back and willing not to spill.

She shrugged. “What do you want me to feel? Love? What does that even mean? All of you claim to love me and could lie to my face without so much as batting an eye. Do you want me to feel joy? Joy that I’m carrying a child who is going to share his or her childhood with Michael Cambias spawn? Do you want me to be happy that I don’t know who the father is? Or how the hell I needed up here?” She eased up from her chair, steadying herself once she was on her feet. “You want this child to be my lifeline, but really I just want it here so I can have a drink.”

He stood up at that, and took a step toward her. Close enough that he could reach out and touch her. “You’re a wonderful mother, Erica and you will be to this child too.”

She shook her head and stepped back. She didn’t want him that close. Couldn’t have him that close. She didn’t trust her heart not to push her into his arms. “Why don’t you ask, David? Why hasn’t your lawyer already sent me papers? Why am I here and not in some rehab center being forced to dry out so you can protect what might be your child?”

“Because I trust you,” He told her, closing the distance between them once again. “Because I know that you would never hurt a child and that you're the best mother I could ask for, for a child.”

She shook heard. “I almost believe you.”

He nodded and stepped in again. His hands went to her cheeks. He tipped her head up and made sure her eyes couldn’t leave his. “Do you think this is easy? Keeping this secret too? Do you think I don’t want to shout from the roof tops that Erica Kane is probably having my baby? Do you think I want to let Jackson be daddy in the all the ways that count? Do you think I want to miss feeling her kick and move? Do you think I like any of this?”

She shook her head against his hands, and blinked back tears. “She?” She pushed out on a sob. “You think it’s a girl?”

He nodded slowly, eyes locked with hers. He leaned in slowly, and let his lips touch hers.

This was the last thing either of them should be doing. It was probably the worst thing they should be doing. And yet, they were content to do it.

Her head titled back and she leaned into him, lips parting against his as she silently gave him permission to kiss her with all he had.

To their left, a nurse wheeled a baby into the nursery, settling her in the first row, just left of center.

To be continued

[Bella Principessa]

A/N: The worst thing Erica's "family" and friends ever did to her, IMO is try to tell her that because Bianca was okay with Miranda she needed to be. So I played with that! You're okay to hate everyone in this, I do. Haha. Also, not so fun themes in this one. But I had to do it.
(This was tough to write, so I imagine it's going to be tough to read)
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Chapter 14

God she hated him. Hated the way he played God. The way he lied without batting one of his gorgeous eyelashes. The way he could look at her with so much love it made her breath catch, and stab her in the heart at the same time.

She hated the way he made her feel. Raw. Open. Vulnerable. Hated the way his lips breathed air into her lungs. The way hands trembled and burned against her skin. She hated the way he made her heart skip a beat.

How even now, when there was nothing left of her heart, he still threatened to make her feel again. Threatened to tip her over the edge and back into the light.

They were in public. In a waiting room. A hallway to behind them and a window to the nursey just in front of them. Anyone could walk in. Anyone could see them.

But that did stop this. Didn’t quell the desire. Didn’t temper the fever of lips or the wandering of hands.

This was crazy. It was insanity at its finest. It was the last thing that either of them needed.

“Miranda should be up here by now…” Voices were saying from the corridor.

They moved as quickly as they could, untangling limbs and prying swollen lips apart. She took a step back, and smoothed her hair. Patted at her dress. Pretending they were doing anything other than what they had been.

Jackson turned into the waiting room first, Kendall Lena, Maggie, and Myrtle following closely behind. They could hear Ryan and Greenlee coming behind.

“Sweetheart,” Jack smiled, “there you are.”

This was Miranda’s welcoming committee and they’d come to ensure she was settled happily in the nursery.

God forbid should anything happen to Bianca’s precious daughter.

“Have you seen her yet?” Jack asked motioning to the nursery window.

Erica shook her head. He really believed she would choose to walk to that window. Knowingly look at that child. Condone the pain Bianca forced into their lives.

“She’s gorgeous, Erica,” Maggie nodded, moving toward the window.

“She really is, darling,” Myrtle offered softly, having gotten close enough to Erica to squeeze her hand. “Come and have a look?”

David watched the scene before him. Lena, Kendall and Ryan with Greenlee, were all watching through the glass. Pointing and cooing at Miranda. Jack was still near them waiting for Erica.

He didn’t like the look in her eyes. This wasn’t the usual dark; emptiness he’d come to know in the last few months. This was fear. Shame. Guilt. And anger, so much anger. This was all her pain reflecting back at him.

Erica shook her head, more forcefully this time. But neither Jack nor Myrtle seemed to notice, or care.

“She’s right here,” Jack started, reaching for Erica’s arm so he could lead her the few steps to the nursery window.

Her eyes slammed shut, and she shook her head. Her body tensed and locked. Her chest was tight and her breaths were coming out faster and harder. She wanted to yell at them to leave her be. Run away. Out the door. Down the hall. All the way down to her car.

She wanted to go home. Crack open one of her hidden bottles and drown in it. Why were they making her do this?

“She looks so much like Bianca,” He was saying, as they stopped in front of the window. “Take a look honey, she’s amazing.”

She shook her head, and squeezed her eyes shut tighter. She wouldn’t look. She couldn’t bare it.

“It’s alright,” Jack soothed, “She is perfect.” His hands were on her shoulders and he was offering her a sympathetic squeeze.

She thought she might vomit. Might faint. Might fall to the floor in heap. What part of she didn’t want to see this god d**n child didn’t they understand?

David was at her left now, eyes darting between Miranda and Erica.

She was a gorgeous child. She did look just like Bianca. There was no trace of Michael on her sweet face.

At least they couldn’t see it. That didn’t mean Erica wasn’t looking at someone else.

Jack whispered something in her ear, and kissed her cheek and pointed again to Miranda. “Just look at her, Erica. It’s alright.”

Her eyes shot open at that. “It is not alright and I don’t want to see her. Ever.”

“You have to,” Jack nodded, “It will make it real. You’ll see her for who she really is. Bianca’s child. Your granddaughter.”

Her own child was wild inside of her. Hands and feet flaying against her, he or she was agreeing with her to run as fast as she could manage. “No,” She forced out, but Jack shook his head.

“Jackson maybe…” Myrtle tried to offer, to no avail.

“This has to stop, now,” He told Erica. “We have to start moving forward. You lived in fear that she was going to be a monster, what she’d look like. What she would be like. She’s here and none of that is true. She’s perfect. It’s time to let go and move on. Can you do that, sweetheart? Can you look at her and start to let it all go?”

She blew out a hard breath and looked him dead in the eyes. “You want me to look…” She hissed, taking the last step between herself and the glass of the nursery. “You want me to see, fine,” She yelled. “Fine.”

And so she did. Looked at that child. The tiny cherub cheeked, dark haired, little girl before her.

David and Maggie watched Erica, noting instantly the way her body had tensed at the sight of Miranda.

“She’s not, okay,” Maggie whispered to David.

“Erica,” Jack started, “isn’t she beautiful?”

Her eyes slammed shut and she took a step back.

What was beautiful about any of this?

“Erica?” Maggie asked having taken a step toward her, “are you alright?”

Kendall shook her head and muttered something from behind them. While Myrtle took a step toward Erica.

Erica blew out a few hard, shaky breaths, as she tried to steady herself. Her chest was tight and her heart actually ached. She squeezed her eyes tightly, trying to will the memories away.

Trying to will away the feel of Michael Cambias’ hands on her as he tried to pin her to the couch in Enchantment. Trying to will away the feel of his breath hot against her as she struggled to break free.

“No,” She forced out on a hard breath, “keep him away from me!” She shook her head now, memories drifting. She was pinned to the floor this time; her pink party dress being torn as Richard Fields forced her back against the cold tiles.

“Erica,” Myrtle asked, worry filling her words. “it’s alright, darling.”

“No!” She screamed into the room. Thunder clapped in her head and lightening sparked behind her eyes. She couldn’t be sure if she was running from Michael or trying fight against Richard Fields, but she couldn’t breathe.

“Erica,” David started, he wanted to reach out to cheek her pulse, but wasn’t sure she could handle being touched at the moment. “You’re okay,” He soothed, “take a few deep breaths, and open your eyes.”

“Honey,” Jack said, at her left. “What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

She shook her head and stepped back again. “NO!”

“David,” Myrtle asked, eyes still on Erica. “She needs a doctor.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to touch her,” Maggie interjected.

“Cut the drama, Erica,” Kendall hissed moving toward them. “This isn’t about you.”

“Erica open your eyes,” Jack asked of her, moving in front of her now. “Open your eyes, sweetheart.”

She shook her head again and struggled to force out breaths. Why was this happening to her? Why had Bianca done this?

David reached out slowly, telling her what he was doing as he did it. His hand met her wrist and she jumped. “Jesus, Erica…” He whispered, her pulse thudding wildly against his hand.

There was tears on her cheeks and she shook under his touch. She could hear them around her. Hear David trying to calm her down. Hearing Jack’s panicked tone at the sight of her. Kendall and her venomous tongue were hissing in the back of her ears.

Maggie and Myrtle were on their way out the door, down to the emergency room to warn Joe what was happening. Ryan and Greenlee were trying to take Kendall out of the room. And Lena was watching quietly from the corner.

The room spun and the voices drifted in and out. She couldn’t run any more. Fight any harder. She was so tired and they were so strong.

“We need to get her out of here,” David commanded to Jack.

She swayed on her feet. Maybe if she fainted this would be over sooner? Maybe if she wasn’t awake, she wouldn’t remember. She could just pretend it never happened.

“Erica…” Jack cried watching helplessly as she tipped backward.

David was there instantly, having anticipated this exact moment. He scooped up her quickly into his arms, instructing Jack to go ahead of him and open the elevator. Her pulse rate was off the charts and he could feel her heart racing against his chest. Her breathing was labored and if he didn’t know better, he would say she was trying to give up. Trying to let go. Trying to make it all stop.

He would be d**ned if he let that happen, and nodded to Jack as he held the elevator door.

She could give up if she wanted to.

They wouldn’t give up on her.

To be continued

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